Days Six and Seven on the Road
It is now the evening of the sixth day and if anyone thought that this was time for a rest then I am afraid they will be disappointed.
After all, our Creator did a lot more in six days than just walk a few miles.
The front runners or rather walkers are now through Shrewsbury and look as though they will be spending the night in Whitchurch. Chipembere had a bad day yesterday, at least by time of posting, although they appear to have done a lot overnight. We think this is due to the Captain paying more attention to his beautiful daughter-in-law reading poetry than he was to his figure(s).
Qua-Run-Team are a little behind and we are unsure of their strategy. The Walky Talkies have suddenly started to do more of the former than the latter but we look forward to seeing some photographic evidence of this.
The Human Hares have been avoiding fox cubs.
The Escargatoires waiting hopefully at deserted railway stations and certainly social distancing.
Tor of the Two Legged Tortoises found herself confronting an adder while relieving her ….er! The PC Plodders are now beginning to warm up and they have recruited the final member of their team, Jason B. We expect to see them join the leaders soon.
Finally, Tom Bagge leading the TeaBag Stable is rarely without his litter-picking kit and has now resorted to writing and singing his own compositions (when not reliving his school days):
But now for the Important Announcement…:
It is time that there be full disclosure of the rules of the challenge in order that the reader of this great journal, and indeed most of those taking part, can begin to make sense of what these brave volunteers are trying to do and how it all might end apart from tears.
Whatever it was that the teams and their captains understood to be the rules as published may not of course be the case.
Rules are made to be amended.
Following Consultation with NOBODY, Rule Changes are now going to be made.
This will happen in a STAGED PROCESS, following SCIENTIFIC ADVICE and in order to ensure that the T (Team Tolerance) measure remains below 100 (degrees).
It is of course anticipated that there will be letters to the Editor about this decision, to which the Stewards will respond “following the science”.
I CAN NOW REVEAL that this first Adjustment, which should meet with short-lived relief for some of the bikers, is that they will only now be expected to complete – or rather, that they will be restricted to – a maximum of 90 MILES A DAY until further notice.
For the time being, all other Rules will remain the same.
We will be taking NO QUESTIONS and that concludes today’s Press Conference.
Update from the Stewards’ Box
The Great Convenor and Chief Steward – or the Bookie’s Bag (hereinafter “BB”) is now a worry. (I’ve gone legal – it’ll become clear).
Firstly, he persuades a bunch of Coppers to join as a late-entry team by calling the Lockdown Challenge the Lockup Challenge in all conversations with their Captain Mick, putting the fear of God into everybody, except the yet-to-start cycling teams still sledging from the boundary. Then BB indulges in an orgy of distasteful puns (“nick of time”, “undercover” etc).
Secondly, he rings me up from somewhere in the far south west on his daily amble saying he thinks he’s going to change the rules at some stage. [What?]
Thirdly, he declares he wants to publish the original rules in a Raising Post. Has he gone mad? The fewer people that get their head round them the better as far as we poor Stewards are concerned. And I want these PC Plodders onside. The Law, you know. I am also actively trying to engage solicitors for us, but they keep putting the telephone down in fits of laughter. And professional indemnity insurance is proving impossible to get as well.
Finally the Bookie’s Bag let rip with an excruciating, syrupy, broken-tenor rendition of “Some Enchanted Evening“ which had us scrabbling for the ear plugs. Team Chipembere have improved our sanity with poetry. Others appear to be equally and rightly concerned with the inner man amidst much talk of cakes, doughnuts, scones, pubs etc. The Human Hares and Walky Talkies continue in their graceful and stately radio silence, which we treat with some suspicion.
No longer concerned that some are going in the wrong direction, some round in amphetamine-induced circles, or some even (Escargatoire?) following the wrong coastline, we are however concerned by this:
Our only explanation is that this Strava device was attached to a dog. Clever. Very clever, but we might be barking up the wrong tree, and worry about copycat infringements.
And the professional African runner business has gone very quiet. A small dossier is in preparation, though. The PC Plodders might be following up the lead in more ways than one.